Lord almighty. I wish I were updating surreptitiously from work right now. I wish I were hiding Instant Messenger, minimizing windows, stealing precious little moments of an hourly wage. Instead, I'm relaxing at home, barefoot, sipping the coffee and wondering when I'll want to go have a smoke.

It sounds great in theory, O reader, and you think you want to trade places with me right now, because wouldn't it be great to not be at work? Sure. But here's the sad reality of the situation: I wanted to have dinner the other night, and as I am poor, I turned to my mostly bare cupboard for a pack of Ramen noodles, the 10 cent sustenance of kings, and had to go without as the Ramen had expired.

Rock star!

I'm beginning to wonder exactly how much character I'm supposed to be building.

When I'm contemplating the ocean from the deck of my Santa Monica canyon home, or happily watching a quiet snowfall from my northside Chicago mansion, I will look back at this time and wish it only upon my worst of enemies.

That is, the producers of 'Everybody Loves Raymond.' Oh, how I loathe it. Also, that 'Titus' guy. He got what he deserved, though.

We haven't done this for a while. Let's talk television, shall we?

So, JonnyBoy signed up for the HBO, and we programmed the TiVo to grab as many episodes of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' as possible. My God, I love that show. It's making me laugh harder than anything else on television right now.

I know. Sacrilege. You will always be my first big big love, 'Simpsons,' but, man alive, Larry David is soundly whomping your ass around the clock. Every episode now seems to be Homer's Wacky Scheme of the Week (still waiting for that Emu Farm episode!) and your writers seem to have become way too fond of 'Family Guy,' which is fine, but it just isn't you. Remember when Bart shoplifted? You guys are at your best when you take an abstract concept (say, dishonesty) and turn it into a concrete theme while putting something real (say, a mother's love for her son) at stake. I'm supposed to care when Homer gets a racehorse and subsequently discovers a cave dwelling race of jockeys?

Say what?

Back to Curb. I was offered a job as a Production Assistant on the show at the beginning of the season. I turned it down so I could stay in the Tuesday night improv class I was in. Doing both at the same time would have been impossible, schedule wise. At this point, I've established a good enough connection with all of my classmates that I wouldn't blink an eye at the idea of switching to the Sunday class. Ah, well.

Curb is hilarious and fun to watch. As the show is improvised (you probably know, but the entire thing is unscripted and based only on a six page outline), they use a lot of people from the improv community out here, so it's great to see people I know or recognize in small parts.

The only thing that ever slightly chafes me about Curb is when Larry David has an issue with money. When I did that screenwriting program last year, we had a speaker come in to talk to us specifically about how money works in the industry. He explained that because David was the co-creator of 'Seinfeld,' and because that show is so popular and is in syndication everywhere, that when the money breaks down after all those deals, Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld are worth about $500 million apiece.

This is why every writer in Hollywood wants a 'created by' credit on a hit show. You come up with something that sticks, keep it afloat for at least five years, and sell it off piecemeal to those local stations that bring you "Friends! Now at 6, 730, and 11!" and you're done. You don't worry about money for the rest of your life.

So, when Larry David bristles at the thought of a $300 bottle of wine, it drives me crazy. When there's a car issue that can be solved by a $40 cab ride somewhere, I think of what his ATM statement must look like, and I vow to myself (over my Ramen) that one day my biggest problem is going to be trying to decide where to be seen eating dinner that night.

I have never in my life wanted to be a bald old Jewish man more than I have lately.

So, that's all for today. To everyone who signed up for the FadeIn Gold Memberships, you're all crazy/beautiful.

And your memberships are cancelled. Effective immediately.

I can't take your money. You want a phone call, you want some cake, you can email me and let me know. The FadeIn Corporation has been dissolved.