Goddamnit. I took one of those showers yesterday that leave you deaf in one ear. I don't know what got in there, or how, but as far as my ear is concerned, there is nothing happening in the universe on the left side of my body.

My only solace is the bliss of the Eventual Pop. I loves me some pop. It'll happen suddenly, without much warning. I'll be doing whatever it is I do with my day, and I'll notice that little rush of sound creeping back in. You know what happens next. You get that little bit of warmness, that little bit of hiss, and once again the world is broadcasting in stereo.

Sure, I could sit here, hold my nostrils together, and blow for all that it's worth. But it won't help. Patience, my son, patience.

My temporary deafness upset me for a couple of reasons. First of all, I can tell you that it's not good to have to attend a vocal class when you're lacking half of your listening ability. It makes things a tad more challenging.

But, perhaps far more importantly, it left me unable to play the Thief Game during my walk home. That's my favorite walking from one place to another game. It far surpasses the Avoid All the Cracks in the Sidewalk Game. It's even better than the One Step Allowed in Each Sidewalk Square Game, and the One Step game is tough stuff. Experts only.

You know the Thief Game, and I'll even bet that you play it. It's best at night, for the sake of ambience. Very simply, you just have to walk without making any sound whatsoever. Your sneakers can't squeak, your pants can't shuffle, your keys can't rattle. That's the easy part. You kick a rock, shuffle through leaves, or break a stick, and you're caught and dead. Game over, Thief. Luckily, you get unlimited lives.

One of my professors from last semester had a game he liked to call King of the Universe. Personally, I think to rule the universe you'd have to be an Emperor, or at least an Overlord, but he's the one with two published novels. The only thing that his game requires is public transportation and a willingness to act like an idiot. According to this professor, the way that one becomes King of the Universe is by making eye contact with every person in the train car/bus at least once. It sounds deceptively simple, but go ahead and try it. I haven't become King of the Universe once.

I have, however, been arrested four times.

Which calls to mind an unrelated anecdote I heard this weekend from a girl in my improv class. It involves a lighter, a can of hairspray, and the penis of the man who decided to masturbate in front of her on the train. Fill in the blanks.

Anyway, my singing class is starting to get pretty cool. After the class, the teacher always asks a few students to stay so they can get some work done individually. Myself and two other guys stayed last night. As she was leading me through the exercises, I started to laugh. I couldn't control it. It wasn't because anything was funny, or that I felt silly, it was because, for the first time, I felt like I could actually fucking sing. I was actually doing it! In fact, I think at one point, I said so, like a little kid riding his bike for the first time without training wheels, I said "I'm doing it!"

Graciously, my teacher replied "Yes, you are!"

Amazing, really, how much of singing is technique. I had no idea. I just thought people got up there and sang. Turns out there's breathing, there's the right mental attitude, and 90% of it is in your head. You have to learn new habits at the same time as you un-learn old ones. Music is not something that comes to me naturally. I've had to fight for the mediocre guitar skills I have, and it looks like it's going to be the same with singing.

For the first time, though, I really believe I can do it. Maybe even well.

So, for that final class/show thing that we're going to do at the end of the term, I'm thinking either 'The Marriage of Figaro' or 'Twist and Shout.'

This makes sense if you know me.

I'm off to beat up some teenagers.