n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



May 24, 2002 - 12:45 pm

Eight Days Left

Still working on getting the older Jewish woman laid.

It�s one of my two �projects� this morning. My main resource is Zipple. It�s part of my �action item list.�

Chicago lawyahs and doctahs, beware.

Alright, so, hello there. I�m thinking that my back pain is all stress related. Today, I feel better, but yesterday, I was floundering about like a pregnant, obese elderly woman whenever I tried to get out of bed.

Today, I woke up, feeling relieved that I felt no back pain whatsoever. Then I started thinking about all the packing I have yet to do and some other issues surrounding my move. Needless to say, I suddenly felt as if I had just been sucker punched from behind by a weightlifting midget.

You know how that goes.

Have I ever shared my love for pronunciation of difficult words to pronounce? I pride myself on it, actually, and I have lots of opportunities to pronounce names when I�m wandering the halls trying to fetch students from the Ukraine or Guatemala. Sometimes, during a shower, I pick up a bottle of shampoo and read aloud the ingredients just for fun.

My favorite pronunciation anecdote was produced when I was but a young man of 18. Some friends and I went to Addis Ababa, an Ethiopian restaurant. As I ordered from the menu, the waitress seemed to become increasingly impressed. When I finished, she said �Your pronunciation of Ethiopian is excellent. How did you learn it?�

I looked up, and with a smoothness I didn�t yet possess, casually said �Oh, I read �Things Fall Apart.��

That story has the dual honor of being my pronunciation anecdote as well as my Chinua Achebe anecdote.

In other news, I know a secret about Christy.

Her and I have had many opportunities to talk lately. Occasionally, sometimes inevitably, the topic comes �round to the same thing: Our mutual desire to be despotic dictators.

Of course, I�m talking about Civilization.

Yes, I am a closet �gamer,� as they say, and the various versions of Civilization out there easily fulfill any upstanding young geeks desire to micromanage resources, pretend you�re in charge of lots of little computer people, and occasionally nuke things.

Basically, you choose which nation you�d like to be (Chinese, French, Assyrian, whatever) and Civ starts you out with some settlers that you use to form a city. Then, you use that city to expand and lead your little computer guys all the way into the modern age and then the future. Good fun.

It�s especially nice to play as the Irish, and then drive some tanks into a smoldering London and say �Hi! Remember those hundreds of years of oppression? Well, tell the fat old whore to get her arse out of Buckingham Palace. We�re making it a pub.�

It�s also good to play as the Native Americans and then take over the world. I admit, there�s a bit of suspension of disbelief necessary to imagine Geronimo piloting a stealth bomber, but that�s the game. Besides, you know those Injuns woulda done it if they had the chance.

One time, I was at war with the Canadians, and they surrendered their very last city to me. God bless their sensible hearts.

You guys already knew I wasn�t cool, right? Right.

Ah. As a follow up to yesterday, I am told that Perry Lopez MP3�s will eventually be available. Next week probably. I know that makes all the people who were just clamoring to hear some didgeridoo very happy.

Also, in that vein, I wrote a new song and I might perform it at the open mic this Wednesday. If I do, I think I�ll also play Hitler�s Girlfriend as well. So, now you�ll have the opportunity to both stalk and ridicule me in the same evening.

Synergy.

I think that covers just about everything I had in mind today. Except for the fact that I just got a fancy new cell phone. I was using the �wireless web� last night, and I discovered that I could use Google to search for stuff on the phone. I actually read my page using it. Craziness.

I can also use the AOL instant messenger on the phone. It takes me about a half hour to enter �Hi.� So, I have decided that AIM on the phone is completely dumb and I shall no longer be doing it.

Tonight, my mom throws me a dinner party for myself and about 20 friends and family at my favorite local Mexican restaurant in honor of my graduation and my heading west. I�m already feeling the love. I�m also getting ready to feel guacamole, margaritas, and some enchiladas tres colores.

There will be many silly white people drunk on Tequila tonight.

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