So. As for yesterday's entry: Right now it's all a big We'll See.

I'm so frustrated. When I first moved out here, and everything was happening for me and I was being offered all those jobs, it seemed like I had made the right decision. My moving here was justifying itself by my being presented with all sorts of opportunities that would seem to indicate I was on the right track.

Now, 3/4 of a year has gone by, and in that time, I haven't been able to get myself hired for an entry level tv gig or a brainless server position. And in both cases, I knew people at the jobs and had strong connections there. In one case, I knew a fucking cast member of the show, and still: zilch.

So what am I supposed to be taking from this? What message am I being sent? I'm beginning to wonder what it's supposed to mean that I can't even get the most basic momentum rolling.

Are the powers that be waiting for this 28 year old man with a college degree to sit down at a table at Starbucks and start filling out an application before snatching me back from the brink? If that's the case, They can go fuck themselves. I can go do that in any city in the world.

And I suppose, in large part, that's the crux of the matter. If LA had something else going for it besides a particular section of commerce, it might be a different sory. I'd probably be more inclined to stick around. But from what I understand, if I'm not working in the industry, I might as well be living in San Diego, and God knows I don't want to be there, either.

The main ideas I'm wrestling with is whether I really, at the core of me, feel that success in the industry is worth living here. And, if so, to what extent? Can I come close to what I want to achieve if I put Southern California in my rearview mirror? Do I need Hollywood, especially if it's not giving me any sign that it needs me?

I heard a rumor once that there were successful, creative people with interesting lives working and living outside Hollywood.

I don't expect to be a hugely successful producer/actor/writer with a house in the Hills come Thanksgiving. I do want to be moving in some sort of direction by that time, and I want all of this trying I've been doing to show some dividends. I don't think that's too much to expect or want.

I'm in a bad, little, silly, dark place right now, and I know it's no fun for anyone to read about. I'll be alright, though.

I want a chance to get in there and fucking slug it out with everyone else and show what I can do.