n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



May 10, 2002 - 2:15 pm

All Set To Sell Out

I�ve been catching myself giving people a �thumbs up� a lot lately. I don�t know what�s happening. I�m afraid it�s becoming my �thing.�

It is considered most polite to give a �thumbs up� after sex.

In this country, anyway.

Hey, it�s afternoon time and I�m at the ol� schoolhouse. I just spent the morning in the nurse�s office, which I wish I could say in a sexylicious naughty nurse kind of way, but alas, I cannot. Don�t worry, I was not injured in the hallway by violent young latinas. Instead, I was just doing some light filing.

I�m sitting in the attendance office right now, and one of the ladies who works here just told a student to go to class. The student angrily replied �Why don�t YOU go to class?!?!� Then they stared at one another for about ten seconds before the student walked away.

Brilliant.

Remember my episode of evil treachery about two weeks ago, when I fudged my way through the computer exam? Well, my scheming and devising paid off, as I received a letter earlier this week informing me that I indeed passed. That fulfills now all of my requirements for graduation. Let my super villainy live in legend.

Ah, yes. I had an orientation meeting last night for the semester in L.A. Some people seem to be confused on the Semester in L.A. thing, so let me now clarify:

One June 10th, I begin a five week training program in Los Angeles. The training program is called �Semester in L.A.� and it is offered by my alma mater, Columbia College Chicago, to those who apply and are accepted. I was a television writing major there, I applied, was accepted, and so I�m going.

I'm making it a permanent move. Hollywood or Bust. From this day, I have three weeks left in Chicago.

There's a whole bunch of lovely psychic trauma that goes along with that, but that's another story.

During the five weeks, we will pitch some screenplay ideas to the faculty, who will help us decide which is the most commercially viable film to write. Then, we will write two drafts of it within those five weeks. We will be taught to �write for coverage� which is an entry level job in L.A. where one may find themselves working for an agent or producer who needs someone to read submitted scripts and provide recommendations and notes (coverage) on the script. There will be guest speakers from every facet of the industry. Finally, we will pitch the screenplay we wrote to a real development executive.

Of these pitched scripts, seven or eight have been optioned. That means that a studio/producer takes the �option� to hold on to it for a year or so while they decide whether or not to make it. A screenwriter is usually compensated a few thousand dollars for this, sometimes as much as $10,000. One script was sold for $800,000. But, then �The Cell� came out, tanked, and the studio (a big one that rhymes with �Fartisan�) backed off the deal, as the script was very similar. They�re now having the kid rewrite the thing as a horror picture, as opposed to whatever it was before. Psychological thriller? Ugh.

Oh, and the last thing is that there is an internship. I�ll be writing to all of my contacts for possible internships. The program also tries to help you get placed in one, which, of course, is the fastest way to get a job that isn�t just going out and getting a job. Many of you already know that I want to work with Judd Apatow executive producer of �Freaks & Geeks� and �Undeclared.�

I think that�s pretty much that.

Anyway, the meeting last night was good. The director of the program told us that we�re only going to get out of this thing what we put into it. Luckily, I�m pretty damn good at exploiting situations like that.

It may well be my primary talent.

So, at the end, we were commanded to go meet ten people in the room that we don�t know. Normally, when ordered to shmooze, my natural reaction is to go nap in the corner or go home and stare at the ceiling. So, I forced myself to be a mover and a shaker, and I found reasons to talk to people and get a whole bunch of email addresses that I will never ever use.

Unfortunately, I didn�t get the chance to approach any of the makeup girls. Not that I think they can help me much anyway. They are the cutest girls in the room, and even worse, they know it. What with their slimness and capri pants and tank tops and sandals and denim jackets and pigtails, they are a feminine force to be reckoned with. During the designated Schmooze Time, they formed a circle and erected a Girly Force Field that no one dared penetrate, talking only to each other the whole time.

I think I�m going to see if there are any ultra intelligent versions of them available in Los Angeles, purchase it, and marry it.

I expect it to be expensive.

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