Damn, Midge! Forty two days? Come on! The last time you updated Apollo Ono was just known as "that stoner kid that likes the look of shiny ice."

She doesn't sign my guestbook anymore, either. See, we had this HUGE falling out over who was the better Iranian Shah. I insisted it was Khatami, but she said Khomeini (Midge, ever the hardliner), and, well...you know how that argument goes.

It all seems kind of silly, in retrospect.

Yeah. Remember how I used to update at 7am? Damn job.

Know what isn't a good way to start a conversation with a 13 year old Ukranian high school girl?

"Your perfume hurts my throat."

No, I didn't actually say that.

At further risk of alienating my main audience: I had to walk a girl to the main office yesterday, to make sure she would talk to the vice principal about the fact that she was failing five classes.

As we walk down the hallway:

Bill: Why are you failing five classes?

Girl: I ain't like no school.

Bill: What do you want to do after high school?

Girl: Be a lawyer.

I just ate salisbury steak and mashed potaters from a styrofoam tray, courtesy of the cafeteria.

You wish you were me.