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December 18, 2002 - 8:58 am Assigned: 12B, right between the two fattest humans ever allowed to board a plane. I think there was a press release. Surreptitiously took: 13C, vacant and the emergency row. Spacious. I spent the flight playing Twister with a blond stewardess named Petra. You know, most of you losers don't believe in God because "Oh, no! He allows pain to exist! People die! Why, oh why? Boo hoo!" Lazy. I'm pissed at him right now because I came home to Chicago for some holiday hijinks and it's 58 fucking degrees here, and probably 64 or something in Los Angeles. I'm pissed because I can't get my snowman on.
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