If any of you were under the impression that I have some kind of awesome job, let me disavow you of that notion right now.

This job sucks.

I have so little time to myself that, just a few minutes ago, I had the thought: "Oh, yeah...masturbation!" as if I were remembering some chore I'd been putting off for a couple of days.

And, really...I have been.

I am a PRODUCTION ASSISTANT. That means I am the lowest of the low. I make billions of redundant copies of every piece of paper in the office, and distribute them all over the place. I make sure that there is pop in the pop machine, water in the fridge, and cream cheese on the bagels. I answer phones and transfer calls. I reload the fax machine. I go to different places to drop off and pick up our office mail. I do this for an average of 11.5 hours a day, not counting the time it takes me to drive to and from the office.

That's my day, folks. At least I can wear whatever I want. I cling to that.

I do NOT sit in Sarah Michelle Gellar's trailer and make out with her in between takes.

No, I don't.

Being a PA is only sexy when you are attached to a sexy show. Thank God I am. If I were doing this for 'According to Jim,' I think I'd be just one more Los Angeles casualty of the industry by now.

Of course, there are good sides to this gig.

Yesterday, I hand delivered contracts to Spike and Willow's homes. Spike has a nice, firm handshake and Willow is just as cute in person.

Today, we begin shooting the first episode of the season. That means that we start getting three catered meals a day. Those of you who were with me when I was doing 'What About Joan' will remember that this is half the reason I like working in television.

If I find out today that I eat after the extras, I think I may just go cry.

Being a PA is a lesson for me: NEVER AGAIN.

When hiatus comes, I'm going to do what everyone in television does: Collect unemployment until next season. With that time, I will write a few kick ass scripts, get them to agents, and make damn sure I get hired as a staff writer.

Those damn writers come in after me, leave before me, and make $200,000 a year minimum to do it.

Never again, I promise you this.