I am a man, and I am concerned about getting fat.

I'm not talking about the cute little belly pudge that most normal humans have. I'm not talking about the little bit of "extra me to love" hanging out around the top of my Levi's either. I have been eating a lot, without a thought to any possible consequences, and sadly, just the other day I found myself saying to JonnyTheRoommate: "Man, when I bend forward, my gut touches my legs."

All together now: "Ewwwwwwwwwww! You're gross, Bill!"

It has been nearly 20 days since my last real update because I have been too fat to get close enough to the computer to type. True story. I am being rolled everywhere I go, shoved through doorways. Elaborate systems of pulleys, the whole thing.

So, I shared this concern with Jonny, who responded that he often feels that he has become much more of a man than he wants to be as well. I told him that I was running more and trying to eat more vegetables. He put forth that he eats plenty of veggies, whereas I am of the opinion that they do not count when said vegetables are inside burritos from Taco Bell or are slathered in mayonnaise on a Quizno's sub. He saw my point, and we then made a gentleman's agreement to change our ways.

The next day, I made fettucine alfredo and peach cobbler while he ate cheese flavored ruffles dipped in ranch dressing.

In my defense, peaches are a fruit. And the accompanying vanilla ice cream has vanilla beans, which are, you know, like, natural. And stuff.

Obviously, there is still work to be done.

I am proud to report that after a few days of running and eating more healthily, my stomach no longer contacts parts of my body it was not intended to contact. You may now stop looking away in disgust.

So, yeah. It certainly has been a while, hasn't it? If I knew what it was, I'd tell you. During my absence, I kept up with all of your adventures, the love is still there, and many of you look as pretty as the day we first met.

I am no longer unemployed, having secured a temporary gig at a medical research lab. And no, I do not go there to have them test the effects of various pharmaceuticals on me. I am part of the office staff.

I know this disappoints you, as you probably miss Name Dropping Bill with the glamorous showbidness jobs and celebrity encounters. The closest thing I can offer to that now is daily contact with a man named Kuldeep Saharijeel, which, if nothing else, is a really cool name. He also seems to be pretty popular around the lab.

The lab seems to research and then ship out various drugs, purpose unknown. I really don't know if my corporation is good or evil. I do know, however, that there are signs everywhere that inform me that I am always within inhaling distance of certain things that can give me cancer or cause birth defects. Throw in the fact that the lab is right next door to LAX, so that I get a nice daily shower of jet fuel, and you barely have to wonder what is causing these extra toes to grow from my elbows.

There is also a huge amount of 'simulated urine' being pushed around on carts in that place. I'm not kidding. If you see a kindly faced old Japanese man headed your way with a cart of a dozen or so 5 gallon jugs of brown/yellow fluid, you can bet that urine has been simulated.

I like the place, because there are various gigantic refrigerators spread throughout the buildings, each of them connected to odd, circular temperature keeping devices I have taken upon myself to deem "Giz-Mo-Nators." Also, there are loudspeakers everywhere and people are always being paged, so when you walk outside from one industrial building to another, it isn't hard to imagine that you're on some secret laboratory/base that will be attacked by secret agents at any moment, so that keeps things fun.

It is also worth noting that, in general, scientists are not particularly attractive. The movies have lied to us again.

Week before last, mom came to visit. We had many an adventure, but nothing particularly worth noting, I think. She was here from Thursday through Monday, and she came in at 9am Thursday morning, so that was a full day. I think it was pretty much the most time I had spent with her since being inside her womb. She seemed to enjoy herself, and got along with the roommate, even going so far as to help him remove the bugs that he had lodged inside his own skin.

Other than that, my life is pretty much the same as yours.