Kids, sometimes mommy and daddy fight.

And sometimes, they just pretend to fight for the purposes of being goofballs.

Yes, yes, as I'm sure most everyone knows or has figured out, Jonny and I decided to put one over on you. The whole thing was our Holiday Christmas Gag Gift to you. There is no job for me and I am indeed going back to Los Angeles, no animosity between me and the roommate, and, perhaps most important of all, not nearly as much gay porn, hair loss, weight gain or Jonny-lings running about.

There's only one.

Each of us let some people in on it, and meant to tell more. If you didn't get a message letting you know the score, it was probably an oversight.

I have to say that I'm a little surprised about the reaction this got. I expected the shock and incredulity, but not so much of the outrage. Then again, I was making myself look as bad as I possibly could. The surprising part for me was that so many people were super willing to accept that I would act like an extra large Asshole Supreme.

I suppose I can't really blame people for all the attacks, though. I let myself be percieved as downright, without a doubt awful. I think probably that if I came across a situation in which someone was so clearly in the wrong, I'd at least feel more than free to let them have it.

One of the funnier things here is people's guesses as to our motivations for doing this. The most common one was that we did this so we could get "more hits and guestbook entries." Clearly, these people have our apartment wiretapped.

Otherwise, they wouldn't know about the two hour meetings Jonny and I hold each night. We always look back over our last entries, and discuss what we did well and what we could have done better. We discuss strategy and plan our next entries in such a way as to yield the maximum amonut of hits.

Then we order chinese.

We have discovered that stories about how warm Los Angeles can be and stories about falling down are the most effective.

We did this just to do something different and see what happened. We know it was not always hilarious, though it did amuse us. I don't think either of us viewed it as the Almighty Embodiment of our Hilarity on Earth.

And as for doing this to "gain favorites," I think seven or eight people took the ultimate Diaryland sanction against me and de-listed me in horror.

But, come on, people. I likened letting him know I was drinking a coke to letting him know that his life was about to change in a major way. I complained about him lending me money and kindly asking if I was OK. In the last entry I even italicized the word 'hint' before referencing Andy Kaufmann and Orson Welles.

Well, it's over now. And it was clearly fun for very few people. I didn't really expect for anyone to come away with hurt feelings. Throughout this, some people mentioned once or twice that people don't really enjoy being made to feel foolish.

I see it more as Jonny and I making ourselves look like fools with some people being more than willing to come along for the ride.

Also, please keep in mind that it was a joke. Lighten up. Good lord.

For all those who can never, ever, forgive me, I look forward to doing absolutely nothing to win back your trust.

Suggested guestbook entries you can leave:

A: I don't know how someone manages to come off as more of an asshole while explaining that they aren't an asshole, but you do it! I have de-listed you and I don't feel bad about it! Give Satan a high five for me!

B: You suck, Bill! You suck-diddily-uck!

C: LoL! AwEsOmE DiArY! Plz check out mine and sign the gbookie!

D: Sleeping with you was a huge mistake.

For the sake of expediency, you can just use the letters.

And remember, if you weren't reading this, you would have had to read about how great snow is, how much I love public transportation, and how Chicago is superior in general.

So, really, I did you a favor.

When I get back to regular updates, I very much look forward to telling you all about the 'Remember the Heroes of 9-11' three inch switchblade my cousin gave me for Christmas.

And that was no joke.