n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



April 10, 2002 - 8:51 am

One Half Of A Fortune

It was sunny here in Chicago yesterday. So sunny that I wanted some sunglasses. Then I remembered that I hated sunglasses. Then I remembered that it's almost always sunny in Los Angeles.

Then I was sad.

True story.

Wow. I was just watching the WGN morning news, as I tend to do in the morning when I'm not listening to these gals on the local radio. They did this report on the state of robotics in Japan. Things are getting freaky over there, people. They have this robot that's trained to mimic your face. It looks like a mannequin that smiles, winks, and sneers at you. They also have this robot baby seal that has been proven to reduce stress in the elderly. It's like a pet without the hygiene issues.

We have about ten years until we are couched knee deep in some serious surrealism.

I have to say, though. If anyone is in the lead when it comes to robotics, I'm glad it's the Japanese. It's good that a polite culture is making these things. We don't need China turning out no evil robots, I tell you what.

Anyway, hello. This morning has taught me that too much Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby too late at night is a summarily stupid idea. I just can't see eating ice cream during the day, though. It's a real dilemma.

I'll have to write a letter.

So, yesterday, I did something I've been meaning to do for a while. I went to an internet cafe, downloaded some music I wanted to check out and burned the songs to a disk. I ended up very pleased with my selections.

I got ten Le Tigre songs (after 'Hot Topic,' 'Deceptacon,' and 'We Like The Cars That Go Boom' I just couldn't stop), some DCFC songs I remember liking when I heard them on the radiola, and some White Stripes. If anyone can recommend specific stuff off the latest GBV (besides 'Glad Girls') I will be eternally hateful. In all, I got about 21 songs for less than $14.

Dear recording artists: I am very sorry that I have essentially stolen from you. I know that you deserve my cash for all your musical goodness. Do you think that I would not love to go into a record store and decadently spend $1000 at a time? The fact is, I would. However, I am devastatingly poor at the moment, and I promise to make it up to you later when I am a bit more solvent.

Now, speaking of my poverty, I learned that the Illinois lottery is up to $115 million. As such, I did something I never do and I spent a hard earned dollar on a ticket. In typical fashion, none of my numbers matched the winning numbers. Not a one. However. This morning I learned that no one won the big prize, tempting me to try again.

If I win, I have to split the booty with Sally, as we both bought a ticket apiece, and that was our agreement.

If by some miracle I become a multi-millionaire, Los Angeles can forget about counting me as a resident. Screw writing for television. I'll buy the humongous house they're building on the lot of my childhood home, travel the world, take classes for the rest of my life, and finance and direct indie films.

Also, mark my words: If I win, there will be a huge barbecue at that new house of mine. I'll pay for you all to fly in. You can come with one other person of your choosing, but that's it. I'm solid on that issue. I didn't get $115 million dollars by writing a bunch of checks, you mooching hippie bastards.

Bring a sleeping bag.

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