n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



March 12, 2003 - 7:20 am

1-800

Yesterday I expressed my regrets that I wasn't living the celebrity and fame filled lifestyle that have kept so many of you entertained and coming back to FadeIn again and again over the last 23 years.

Well, let it never be said that I'm one to let you down. I traveled up to the fair city of Hollywood last night for my improv class. Who should attempt to bum a cigarette off me but some girl walking with Ron Jeremy.

It really isn't very often you can run into a stanger on the street and realize you've seen their genitals.

Not very often, anyway.

So, last night, I need gas on my way home and I pull into the station at the corner of Sunset and La Brea. As I'm filling up, I'm approached by a homeless woman in a wheelchair looking for a handout. It's really only about 50/50 with me when it comes to giving to the homeless, but last night I knew that I only had a twenty in my pocket, so I waved her off.

I filled up the car. Wiped down my windshield a bit. Realized that I had locked my keys inside.

My cell phone was in there, and the car wasn't running but the lights were on. The universe had hit me with an Instant Karmic Whammy. Now I was the one in the gas station that needed desperate help.

I went to a pay phone and called AAA. The operator told me they were really busy that night, and it could be a 90 minute wait. It was already 10:30pm by that point.

I walked back to the gas station. The homeless wheelchair woman was parked outside, asking people for donations. As I approached, she asked me for change, already having forgotten me. On my way out, I gave her a dollar from the twenty I just broke.

I felt a strange mix of luck and guilt, so I didn't mind giving up the dollar. I was in trouble, and all I had to do was call a 1-800 number. Who knows what the rest of her night was going to be like.

The AAA guy pulled up about five minutes later.

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