I�m sitting here at work, doing the same wonderful thing I�ve been doing all week. Many of you do it as well, and of course, I�m talking about getting paid to check your email and sign guestbooks. Everything was fine and good until my mom came into the office.

�Hey, I got some fried chicken, but I didn�t want to finish it. You want it?�

My reply was succinct.

�Bill......eat...... food....�

I wasn�t even really that hungry. However, as long as there is free food in front of me, I will consume it.

If I were an animal, I�d be extremely easy to capture. Just put some free chow on one of those net traps in a forest. Later, you can proudly display my head above your fireplace.

Billus Fadeinus

My spellchecker recognizes �Billus�? Hmm.

Anyway. I should update as to the entertaining of the highschoolers I mentioned earlier this week. Luckily, I had to do no entertaining whatsoever. Instead, my duties consisted of making sure none of them escaped the test room and warding off the advances of sophomore girls.

The attention of 15 year olds is all fine and good, not that it helps at all now. But where was it ten years ago?

This little scene should nicely summarize my high school dating experiences:

The year: 1991. The location: My bedroom.

BILL, a dashing yet shy lad of 15, is lying on his bed, either playing Nintendo or reading a comic book. His MOM enters. After a brief pause, she sits on the edge of the bed.

MOM: Bill?

BILL: Mmm?

MOM: Bill�you don�t date a lot of girls. You�you�re not gay, are you? It�s OK if you are.

BILL: Mom, no!

Talk about traumatizing. I was getting so little action in high school that even my mom had her doubts.

Then again, just yesterday I was accused of being �gay� when I told my friend Sascha that I made a cheesecake. At first, she seemed OK with it. Then, I made the mistake of telling her that for this cheesecake, I purchased some strawberries in syrup.

Can�t a guy make a nice dinner for his ex girlfriend without being accused of being a homosexual anymore?

The struggle continues.

(Oh, and go save the world)