Is there a name for when your shower curtain continually attacks you? Mine has become so clingy that I can't wash myself without it attempting to molecularly bond to my skin. Having a shower curtain slowly trying to crawl up your legs and wrap itself around you can be very annoying when you've already made it clear that you just want to be friends.

All the best jokes contain the word 'molecularly.'

So, recently, I got an email from some dating website. Usually, my system is good at marking things as spam, but this one managed to squeeze through somehow. I was informed that my presence was requested at a blind date, and that all I had to do was fork over my email address.

I paused, considered. First, it got through without being marked as spam. It could be legit. Second, so what if they send me more junk mail after I give up my email? I get at least 40 pieces of spam every day. What's one more septic tank enlargement or penis cleaning email? Third, it was addressed to FadeIn, which meant it could have been from some reader. Not a remote possibility, as this is Diaryland, and raunchier things have happened.

So, I go, and: scam, of course...or, more likely, a poorly constructed business. It was a real dating website, as far as I could tell, but the good gents running it seemed very interested in verifying my credit card information at every click. They wouldn't even let me see who wanted to blind date me, or look at any other 'user profiles' before giving them something ridiculous like $29.95 for a month's membership, and it's always smart to ask people for money before letting them get a look at your wares.

After I signed up for the free trial, ("no credit card required!") and filled out my info, I got email from their site for three days in a row. I didn't reply, and they eventually gave up trying to woo me. Coincidentally, each of the three times I was emailed, a new girl wanted to date me! It's true! Making that fact even more amazing was that these girls wanted to get all busy despite the fact that, with one exception, they were all over 1000 miles away. Even better, they wanted to get with this without the benefit of ever having seen my picture. In fact, they all apparently came to this conclusion after reading my 'Self Description,' in which I wrote simply that I was "Humongous. Purple. Threatening."

I must give the site credit, though, for sending me what appeared to be pictures of "real" women, and not impossibly airbrushed bisexual strippers. On the other hand, the picture of the woman who looked to be a 50 year old truck stop waitress smoking an extra long Virginia Slim didn't make me want to rush to break out the plastic. But then, maybe that's just the type of gal that's attracted to us large, purple types.