n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



January 30, 2002 - 8:16 am

Quickly Approaching Asshole

Yeah, so lately, I've been stumped. No new ideas. What do you people want to see a movie about? Or maybe you have a wacky television idea about six attractive people who live in a watered down version of a major American metropolis. You names it, I writes it.

Oh, and I don't want to hear any smart ass movie ideas about little hairy midgets with rings who ride around in Black Hawk helicopters while feeling like tortured Australian math geniuses who are antagonistic to Steve Martin for no good reason.

Which, come to think of it, begs the question: Why do movies suck so much lately?

Also, there's a car commercial that uses the song 'Blitzkrieg Bop,' and every time it comes on, I look up at the TV expecting to see something good, only to see an SUV chasing horses.

ALSO, Ebert inexplicably gave 'Black Hawk Down' four stars and 'The Royal Tenenbaums' two stars. I really like and admire Ebert's insights and sense of film context and vocabulary, but I hate the way he reviews film sometimes, saying things like, 'Well, this is a four star movie for the type of movie it is,' which to me is insulting in that what that really means is 'As far as movies go that mangle history and are rife with inaccuracies, this is a good movie about stuff what blows up purty.'

Bastard. I announce a coup. You shouldn't go watch bad movies, and neither should I, and you can rest assured that these are accurate reviews of movies I've never seen.

It's time for the second edition of:

Ebert's Movie Reviewing Intern's Super Bitchy and Short Reviews of Movies That Really Can't Help But Suck, Probably

How do I know they're bad?

Come the fuck on.

A Walk To Remember- Forget it.

Mothman Prophecies- Swat it.

Lord of the Rings (I actually saw this one) - Hang up.

Kate & Leopold- Go back in time before this movie was made.

Black Hawk Down- Good.

Snow Dogs- Put to sleep.

Count Of Monte Cristo- Good sandwich, bad movie.

I Am Sam- Also known as the 'How efficiently can we make 54 year old Beanie Baby collecting women cry?' Project.

Orange County- Because, of course, any MTV Films production has to be good. Anyway, Jack Black has been dead to me for months.

Vanilla Sky- When Tom Cruise turns back into a human, call me.

In The Bedroom- On Lifetime.

Beautiful Mind- Ron Howard is bald.

That covers it. You're all set.

Last Time On FadeIn - Next Week's Show

i am one bad updater:

enter email to find out when i update. powered by notifylist.com