Would a crucifix deter a Jewish vampire?

Yes, it's that rarest of rare creatures, the Sunday morning FadeIn update.

The crossword is in the back.

I have been incredibly homesick lately. No, this isn't my usual "Chicago is superior to Los Angeles in every way" blah blah blah. I haven't been home since Christmas hiatus, and this is the longest single stretch of time in my life that I haven't been able to get back to the place I lived for 27 years of my life. If things go the way I want them to, employment-wise, it looks like I won't be able to get back until this coming Christmas.

It all started with a dream I had a week or two ago. I was home. I had a similar dream last night. As a result, my homesickness is aching a bit more sharply than it has in a long time. It feels exactly the same way as missing someone.

Jonny works with a girl named Vanessa. She's a southern California native, from Orange County, specifically. She's dating a guy from Chicago, and they went home a few weeks ago, the same week that I was going to go, for the Taste of Chicago.

Her experience was kind of funny, actually. Being native to California, she had never really felt true humidity. She said that, when she got off the plane, she started to freak out over how moist the air felt.

"Oh my God! Why is my arm sweating?!?!" was her exact quote, I believe.

We were talking about what she did during her visit, the bars she went to, etc., the usual. She said she loved Chicago, and could see herself living there. Her only concern was the winters. She seemed absolutely horrified at the thought of having to shovel snow off her car and dig it out after a winter storm.

"Well," I said. "If you lived in Chicago, you wouldn't even need a car. I never had one until I moved out here."

She stared. "What? You...don't need a car? I would take the el' everywhere?"

"Yep. Or walk. And, if you were out drinking, you'd never spend more than ten bucks on a cab ride home. Probably closer to five."

Amazement was expressed. It was nice to have a new convert.

She went on to say that, as she and her group were walking through an alley, they happened to pass by the apartment building where the collapsed porch disaster took place earlier this summer. We began to discuss the differences between the two cities in the way buildings are built.

Me: Yeah, out here, you guys do this thing where...

Jonny: "You guys"? What "you guys"? You're one of us now, Bill.

Me: No. Never.

Vanessa: He's right. He's a Chicago boy. I see why, now.

Really, though, as much as I miss Chicago, I love to look at the real estate section of the Sunday LA times and dream. In fact, I've got my eye on a six bedroom home with a pool, five and a half baths, five fireplaces and gourmet kitchen. Best of all, it's only $1,600,000.

I sell two screenplays, and you're all invited to the housewarming party.

To get anything close to that in Chicago, I'd probably have to live in the suburbs.

I'm not that homesick.