OK, this has just become ridiculous and sad. I’d be angry enough to vomit if he just weren’t so much of an idiot.

And the rest of you people: Man, I feel villified! It’s as if I’ve suddenly become the Diaryland Hitler just because I don’t call my roommate just to inform him of every trivial detail of my life. I’m having a coke right now. Apparently, according to my guestbook, I should issue a press release.

The hate is almost overwhelming. I mean, I know that most of you think of me as witty and tall and cute, so why you would turn against me, a Diarylander who so many people list as a favorite, a guy who is arguably one of the best writers working here (if not THE best), why you would suddenly become my enemy is beyond me. I check my stats every few minutes and I don’t like what I see.

The sick thing is that Jonny didn’t even bother to get the facts from me before he launched a disgustingly vicious personal attack on me in his gay little diary. I mean, you would think that he’d at least want to know what the real deal was before he let loose with all that stuff. Granted, he did call me before he wrote that entry, but I was eating dinner, and it’s not like I was about to be so rude as to answer my cell phone right there at the table. I meant to get back to him, but I guess I just forgot.

Oh well. I’m sorry. I’m, as he says, just plain “evil.”

Besides, it’s not like I was never going to talk to him. I have enough sense to know that I should have. Hell, I was going to do a lot of nice things. For example, my share of the rent on our place is $550 a month. I was totally going to kick him $75, maybe $100 a month until he found a new roommate. I figured that was fair, as it was better than nothing and I really wasn’t living there anyway. Besides, I’d let him sell my mattress and dresser, and I know that they would bring in at least $150 or so together. But now, because he’s handled this like a complete jerk, I don’t think I should even do that.

And I’m the evil one?

Thanks, guys.

And thanks for siding with someone whose sole purpose in life these past few months has been to make me feel as bad as I possibly can. I never really talked about it, because I’m a cool guy and I consider myself someone who treats their friends right, but as long as the cat’s out of the bag… I remember one time, a few weeks ago. It was after I was fired and I was feeling pretty low. I was going through some stuff with Sally, depressed about losing my job, couldn’t figure out what to do next in this game I was playing, and I hadn’t left the apartment in three days except to take out the garbage once.

That’s a whole other story, by the way. Just because I didn’t have a job he expected me to do EVERYTHING around the house. And I’m the selfish one here.

Anyway, I’m in my room with the lights off and the door closed. Pretty clear sign (I thought) that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. He comes home, knocks on my door, and opens it slightly. He’s all like “Hey, man. You OK? You seem pretty bummed lately, wanna talk?”

Jesus, that just pissed me off. I mean, where does he get off, butting his nose into my business? He didn’t say it, but I knew what he was implying: “My life is so much better than yours and I am so together and cool so I can act like your big (fat) brother and help poor little Bill.”

It just made me sick. I didn’t talk to him for days, so I think he got the message.

Then there’s the way he’s always insisting on lending me money. That always made me feel REAL good. “Hey, Bill, I make so much money that it’s no problem for me to give you $300 just to make sure they don’t boot your car.” Classy.

To address his latest entry: Sure, there have been women. I’m unemployed at the moment and going through some personal crises…what else is there to do? But I know why he mentioned it. He’s always been jealous because my entire fucking love life doesn’t take place online.

Sorry, I guess I’m a bad guy because I’d actually prefer to meet real women than seduce every 17 year old that leaves me a guestbook entry.

Like he should talk, anyway: If anyone would like to see some interesting video, why not go to Kazaa and look up the files under the username Jonny_Zero_Salinger? There’s tons of fun stuff for the whole family, like ’15 year old sux first cock,’ ‘Mother wakes to rape son,’ and ‘Asian boy facial.’

He really should have found some way to keep me from looking through his computer files while he was at work.

I’m really getting sick of this whole thing. He has been selfish and immature throughout this whole ordeal. I don’t appreciate the threats, either.

Jonny, if you want to know what’s going to happen if this keeps up, here’s a hint: You know your precious ‘War of the Worlds’ and ‘Man in the Moon’ DVDs you lent me? You know how you love them so and were so reluctant to trust me with them?

Two words: Beverage. Coasters.

Keep it up, dick.