Watching the Simpsons last night, I noticed for the first time that most of Patty and Selma's furniture and kinck knacks were things you could order using 'Camel Cash.' Am I slow on the uptake here? It added a whole new level of appreciation of the show for me.

In other news, I haven't been seduced this week, and it's just as well, since large amounts of cold medications have rendered my penis all but useless. I hate being sick in muggy, humid weather. On the plus side, since I'm dehydrated, I've been peeing a lot less.

I'm applying for the Disney Fellowship. It's a lot like the Nickelodeon one, except that it pays a thousand bucks more, takes place in LA, and they put you to work on an ABC show. Speaking of the Nick gig, if I do get it, I should know by the end of the month, and thus, so will you.

Helping my mom move is a continuous pain in the arse. I am constantly amazed by the house's ability to produce mountains of crap to throw away. Mom loves to debate the merits of keeping old plastic cereal containers that are older than me and haven't been used since they made Ghostbusters cereal.

Some jerk I went to high school with has a regular role on that new HBO show about the funeral home. He was also in Dead Presidents and some nameless John Leguizamo movie. It's enough to make me want to skip the reunion.

"Hi, my name is Bill, remember me? Last semester I took English II."

Oy fucking vey.

I miss Sally more than I expected to. She stayed up until midnight last night so she could call me at home. We talked for about 20 minutes. The lucky gal got to go to sleep after that call. I, on the other hand, was awake for another five hours trying to distract myself from missing her. Thank god for video games.