n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



March 27, 2003 - 8:23 am

I Ask You Very Confidentially

So.

No one has anything to say about Saddam Hussein and his possession of a crashed UFO?

What do you people think? You think that I'm trying to trick you? Posting false information? Those days are behind me, people. Besides, Iraq's scientists attempting to reverse engineer a crashed UFO is no laughing matter.

Neither are the giant, irradiated scorpions the aliens created as bodyguards for him.

Besides, the information comes from a trusted source. It was posted on the internet, after all.

Speaking of controversy, my 'background check bomb story' has caused some amongst my fellow high school grads. As you can see from the guestbook, two girls with whom I went to high school do not remember the aforementioned bomb incident. Apparently, they were too busy putting their energy into refusing to date me to pay attention to the fact that I was briefly jailed.

Nice.

However, another friend of mine and fellow alum, who, for privacy's sake, I will call by the ridiculous pseudonym of 'Dess,' sent an email of support:

"I know for a fact that he did save the day for all of LPHS. He, [and] Darryl...went to the police station for that sad attempt of a bomb scare. I'm with ya Bill!!!"

That should clear that up. The mystery of what really happened to Matt Cates is another matter entirely.

So. Switching gears.

Sometimes I don't think that Diaryland would exist at all if it weren't for people falling down stairs, horrifying doctor visits, stupid co-workers, emotionally draining breakups, rollerblading accidents, homework assignments they were trying to put off, romantic angst, bad haircuts, evil siblings, unrequited love, work boredom, office politics, a yearning to post song lyrics, war, roommates who steal your stuff, amateur movie reviews, obnoxious attempts at highbrow-ism, whiskey, blind dates, severe headaches, spills of various types, long lasting injuries, vacation stories, compulsions to write about how there's nothing to write about, being hit on by weird people, mislabeled fast food, taking yourself too seriously, run-ins with cops, band stories, the desire to be the first to post when a celebrity (especially a musician) dies, overeating, oversmoking, fear of terror, bad poetry, bad political rants, "cred," intentionally blurry photos, overlong vaguely amusing paragraphs and, in the case of me last night, going to the grocery store and buying every goddamn thing I could except the goddamn coffee, which I forgot, goddamnit.

Not a drop of caffeine in the house. I had to run across the street to the cafe like a drowsy Frogger. At 7:15 am.

Oy.

Last Time On FadeIn - Next Week's Show

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