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November 10, 2004 - 11:51 am

Sick Boy

There are few things that can make you feel more like a gross yuppie than walking into a Robek�s Juice and ordering a South Pacific Smoothie and asking them to add �Immuni-bek.�

There really isn�t even a better way to disguise that order. At least in Starbucks, you can ask for a �large� instead of a �venti.� In Robek�s, unless you force yourself to mumble �and, uh�add some of that�uh�.immunity stuff, too,� you�re pretty much forced to utter the �word� �immuni-bek.�

And sure, a mocha isn�t the manliest of beverages, especially when you add whipped cream, but at least it�s kind of a dessert. Even the toughest of street thugs enjoys, say, a nice sherbert in his private moments. But asking for a �South Pacific Smoothie� is akin to announcing �I hereby forfeit my penis.�

I�m with the sickness, and that episode didn�t help. I�ve got achiness, I�ve got pain, and I�ve got an apparently unlimited license to complain. I got 11 hours of sleep last night and that still didn�t kill this little bug. I wrote an email to Sally yesterday, the contents of which can be essentially boiled down to �Why, God, why?� Her reply:

�why are you getting sick?? because you're not so nice to your immune system, silly. orange juice and vitamins aren't miracle substances. sleep, not smoking, exercise, and eating right is the best equation to a kick-ass immune system.�

What a bitch.

Later that day, on the phone, she went on to say that while I may have had a great metabolism and was super healthy when I was younger, I am �getting old,� and �can�t really expect [my] body to respond the same way to old habits,� or words to that effect. To make matters worse, she�s trying to give up the 9-5 to become a personal trainer, so as long as I talk to her from now on I can expect this kind of common sense, gentle nagging.

I really need to find a woman who smokes, and when she runs, it�s from the law.

I�m bored. I�m beginning to think that my life needs more Feats Of Greatness.


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