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August 16, 2001 - 8:39 pm

A Diary Entry: Priceless

I'm not dead. But my poor lil' iMac is.

I want to do a long rockin' fun entry, but here I sit in an internet cafe and I'm just not feeling the long, funny entry mojo. Right now, Sally is down the street getting a pedicure, so here I am killing time in a place called 'Screenz.' My little clock in the corner is counting down my remaining time. How do they expect me to write under these conditions? Some loud guy is pacing back and forth behind me, yelling into his cellphone about Mayor Daley, the movie 'Deliverance,' and, repeatedly "the $99 special."

So, yeah. Remember how I mentioned that my computer was making that weird little noise? Well, the weird little noise eventually evolved into the big bad noise and my hard drive has now gone the way of the Colecovision. The hard drive itself was just gone. Useless. Kaput. Without going into computer-nerdy details, I will tell you that I spent about two hours total on the phone with tech support before they finally got sick of me saying "Yeah, that isn't working either." Right now my computer is in the hands of the good minimum wage slaves at Microcenter, so everyone cross their fingers for the safe return of my regular internet access.

Oh, and I did back everything up at the first sign of trouble, so no documents were lost. I mean, I'm not fucking stupid, you know.

No email, no writing, and no internet for the last 72 hours. Do you guys know how similar to smoking a cigarette this feels like as I sit here right now? My brain at this moment is producing large amounts of dopamine as it says "Mmmmmm....monitor."

OK, so: Yet more people have decided to get married and buy things together from IKEA forever, which means I have to go to Cleveland this weekend. Weddings are good because they mean 1)Free food. 2)Free booze. 3)Free love.

Well, free booze and free food, anyway. My computer is due to be done being repaired sometime next week. Maybe I'll update from Cleveland, if I'm not busy stuffing my fat face with kosher foodstuffs.

Since my computer died, I was hoping that I'd rediscover nature, or learn to knit, or maybe even make a friend. None of those things came to pass. Instead, I sat in the chair where my computer used to be and sobbed as I feebly mashed the keyboard, begged God to tell me "Why?" and went through the motions of being alive. You would have pitied me, and given me alms.

I will be back soon, I hope. It's weird not to read you people. It feels like not calling your friends.

You bastards. It just cost me $5.75 to write this entry. Everyone send me a dime.

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