n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



April 30, 2003 - 7:44 am

Show And Tell 2

I started a new temp job yesterday.

I think that I can say, without exaggeration and with full knowledge of the extent of suffering in the world, that if I had to choose a Hell for myself, this would be it.

I have a half foot high stack of papers in front of me, with little numbers all over. It is my job to look at those little numbers and type them into an Excel speadsheet. I have a laptop with no internet access, but I do have a cool corner office in a building in Beverly Hills all to myself.

The difference between how cool that sounds and how cool it actually is quite amazing.

Anyway.

Last year, before we got down to the picture business, I led a brief discussion in which we dissected the meaning of "Puff the Magic Dragon."

This year, we delve into the mysteries of "In a Gadda Da Vida."

Well, no. Not really.

But, however it's spelled (and don't sign the guestbook just to tell me...you don't want to be that guy), it will now be in your head all day.

Listen, you can already kind of hear it...

"In a gadda da vida, baby....don't you know that I luh-uh-uh-ve you-oo?"

Man, that just won't go away, will it? Try really hard not to think about it as you sit down and try to enjoy that first bite of your lunch. That would be really annoying.

Now that we're done with that unpleasantness, it's time for...

THE SECOND ANNUAL, IN NO WAY OFFICIAL, VERY SILLY BUT EXCELLENT DISTRACTION FROM DEATH AND LACK OF SEX DIARYLAND SHOW AND TELL!

This first picture shows me leading one of my very successful and well attended 'Maximize Your Moments' seminars for new mothers:

Actually, that's me onstage at the Improvolympic LA telling a true story about me giving my mom advice on bras. Not kidding.

This next one is me in an actual scene:

Those girls were playing two extremely old ladies who had just scored big on a slot machine in Las Vegas. When I tried to pay them out in cash, they took me to their room. They had other ideas.

This next one is my roommate Jonny. After a hard day at work, he likes to play!

And, every time Jonny plays with those toys, he gets so excited about having super powers that he wants to work out. He always runs around the apartment with a red sheet tied around his neck, shouting "I wanna be like Superman!" except he can't pronounce Superman so it comes out as "Duperman." The wife and I are thinking of taking him to a specialist.

Now...this part of the entry is a bit...sensitive. Ever since Jonny and I moved in together, people have wagged their tongues about some kind of...inappropriate relationship between us. I'm here to tell you right now that it just isn't true. He and I are just good friends, like Matt Damon and Jude Law, or Gabrielle and Xena.

I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves:

I just needed to be held that night. In this next one...

I was helping him look for a contact lens. That's all we were doing.

And finally, after all the jokey jokey and the hoo-ha, I wanted to show you guys a simple picture of me and my pal Jonny just relaxing at home, talking and having a smoke as we so often do. Unfortunately, Queen Jonny didn't like the way he looked in that picture and absolutely refused to let me post it unmodified. He wanted more airbrushing than a Dixie Chick, but this was all the work I would allow myself to do on it...

And so concludes the 2nd Annual Diaryland Show and Tell.

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