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April 11, 2001 - 7:34 am

A Sweet Passover Tale

For several hours on Sunday night, I wore a yamulke.

Having been baptized and confirmed as a good old Lutheran (which, according to an old SNL skit, is God's favorite religion), it felt kind of strange, and I was afraid that Jesus was going to walk in at any moment and just give me one of those diappointed looks.

Jesus: (shaking his head) Bill, Bill, Bill...

Bill: (innocently) What?

Jesus: (Frowns)

Bill: What? Aren't you Jewish?

Jesus: (Shifts uncomfortably, glances from side to side) Ummm...

Bill: Do you want some Manishewitz?

Jesus: (Happily) Fuck yeah!

See, he's a cool guy after all.

Anyway, I was at this seder, which, for those of you not in the know, is the Jewish celebration of passover. They read from this little book (right to left, of course) called the Haggedah. Everyone gets to read a page. And, then, because this family is wacky and fun, they play Jewish Jeopardy.

It was very cute, because the host, Barry, who is a neurologist ("If something is wrong with your brain, I'm the guy you go to; you never want to go to me"), took the time to get some poster board and make a Jeopardy game board, and write out enough questions so that everyone who read got a chance to take a crack at the game board.

So, I read, and I was kind of disappointed, because my page only had about two lines on it. But then, I got my shot. I looked at the categories: Jews in Sports, Jewish Baseball, Jewish History, Passover...Hmm. I took Moses for 800, because Moses for 1000 was already gone.

I nailed that sumbitch.

In fact, I got more questions right than my Jewish girlfriend Sally. She, by the way, is wondering if there are any hot Jewish guys out there. Please let us know; she wants to get on with the business of dumping my goyim ass as soon as she can.

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