A tiny* update today to make up for my startling absence of last week.

Clarification: Sally wants you all to know that she feels she was acting just as crazy during the Target parking lot incident from my last entry. And, really, she was. I regret the error, and I am happy to say that she has decided not to pursue legal action.

Obviously, because of our behavior, you can't take either of us anywhere.

Also, my spidey senses were correct after all. She has informed me that she was about to go to Target, but then changed her mind at the last minute. I'll let you know what else I can predict/sense, as the stories unfold.

I just remembered this morning that a few weeks ago I read an article that said the US military was contracting with several companies to develop "near invisible" uniforms and special boots that allow soldiers to jump up to heights of 20 feet. They say that we should have these within ten years or so.

The uniforms make you invisible by bending light around your body, and since we all know that our eyes allow us to see by absorbing the light that reflects off an object, we know that if light is bent around something and doesn't reflect back to our eyes, we won't see it. Voila: Invisibility.

I don't know how the boots work. Flubber?

Isn't that great, though? Invisibility. Where did that come from? Did we capture some aliens or something?

Oh, here's something you can help me with: I was down at my alma mater yesterday, taking this computer proficiency exam. If you pass this test, you are waived from having to take the basic computer requirement. It's a choice between paying $35 to take the three hour test, or paying $1200 for a 15 week class, so even though it cost me a large portion of my Friday afternoon, I believe it was worth it.

Anyway, there was one question on the multiple choice test that threw me off (the rest of the questions were 'What is HTML?' and 'What is a port?' and such): The question was something like "Can it be said that the Internet includes the World Wide Web, or that the World Wide Web includes the Internet?"

I went with the 'Internet includes the WWW.' Was I right? Anyone?

I also got pretty sneaky with the test. There was also a section that tested us on Filemaker Pro, a database program. I got through most of it on instinct, but I couldn't figure out how to sort records for the life of me. See, there was a part of the test that asked us to print out only the records from the database that had a value of less than 500 in a certain field. For some reason, I couldn't figure out how to seperate the less than 500's from the more than 500's.

(If this is boring you, keep in mind that it involves treachery most foul. Read on)

Anyway, after about 20 minutes of trying various things to no success, I was really stressed out. In order to pass the test and get the waiver, you have to get at least a 75% in all sections. So, it doesn't matter if you ace Microsoft Word if you tank elsewhere.

I was afraid I was going to fail, going to have to pay the fucking $35 again, and then spend another damn three hours with the test. I was going insane. If I were Bill Bixby, I would have Hulked out.

Then, it came to me: The only way the proctor had of checking our work was by looking at the print out. She wasn't going to go into the program and see how we sorted everything. She wasn't looking over our shoulder the whole time. It all depended on what ended up on the paper.

So, I just eliminated all the records that had a value of over 500, hit Print, and there were the results I needed on the print out. Then, I re-entered the records, and went on to the next question.

Dastardly, eh? I can be resourceful when I need to be. I hope I passed, and that all my current cockiness isn't for nothing.

That would be so embarassing that I might not even mention it. That's how the FadeIn propaganda engine works.

OK, I'm off to my last improv class. Afterwards, Drunken antics: Likely. Sex: Doubtful. Orgy: Not with those people.

*Tininess not guaranteed.