Oh, I updated both Sunday AND Monday, you bastards.

A short entry, for your polite consideration:

I've come to the realization that, over the past few weeks I've slowly been working to fatten up Sally so as she is undateable come the time I leave.

It's all part of my plan that she never dates anyone, ever after me. Unfortunately, it isn't working, because she is still Damn Sexy, despite my repeated applications of pasta, Chinese, Mexican, and Thai food. When she is sleeping tonight, I'm going to slide full sticks of butter into her unknowing mouth.

I know what you're thinking, perverts. Jesus! Kids read this!

Fortunately for my plan, she bought a Rabbit over the weekend. She claims to no longer need men, ever. This is fine with me.

She did not pay $80, by the way.

Good for her, but what's going to be stimulating my anus when I'm in California?

I'm so sorry.