Well, as for the pitch, it didn't end with them lobbing bags of money at my face and also Tuesday morning I had a meeting for a position over at the sitcom 'According to Jim.'

Can my life get any worse?

But, first thing first.

Hi.

Yeah, it's been a while. I haven't been not updating because I've been in a crazy whirlwind of Hollywood cocaine/midget/stripper activity. I've been not updating because there just hasn't been any FadeIn juice in the ol' tap.

Yesterday, Jonny (yes, that Jonny) actually said to me: "You need to update, your fans need it."

I replied with a gruff, slurred "Lemme alone, you Irish sonuva..." and then promptly passed out in the corner, half-empty whiskey bottle clanking to the floor as he silently sobbed and wondered where the love went.

That's how I remember it, anyway.

So, the pitch: The minute I walked in, I had a bad feeling. The development exec I was to pitch to looked like someone who might have auditioned for Elimidate and was turned down. I knew I was going to have a tough time with him.

The bad soulpatch was the giveaway.

So, I did my spiel, told my story enthusiastically, and elicited lots of nodding, a smile or two, and maybe even a small chuckle here or there. He told me he loved the concept, but had some doubts about how act two segues into act three, and then learned me a bit of Hollywood lingo when he admitted "Who knows? It might work on the page."

"Work on the page."

My classmates and I made fun of that one the rest of the day.

CLASSMATE: I think I'll go have lunch now.

BILL: Hmm, interesting idea. I think I could see that working on the page.

Yes, I'm popular.

So, in addition to rewriting the script over the last few days of the program, I sent out about twenty or so resumes. I concentrated mostly on television shows of all genres, and I hit a few film companies too. Unfortunately, most of the shows are "staffed up," meaning that they've done all their hiring.

So, my resume is on file all over Los Angeles. Yay.

Stuff I learned:

Futurama: Cancelled. They still have episodes to burn/air, but they didn't get picked up.

Judd Apatow: He isn't doing anything at the moment. They shot the pilot for 'Life on Parole,' but Fox passed. That, as they say in the business, is 'sucky.'

Some good did come out of the resume frenzy, however:

I have a guaranteed internship with 'Passions,' if I so choose. That's the crazy, nutty, cuckoo soap with the midget and witches. I can start next week.

I could possibly get myself an internship with 'Malcolm in the Middle' if I call them the first week of August and interview. Unpaid, of course, but that would be a great show to work on.

And the interview from Tuesday. Yeah, I interviewed for a Production Assistant position for 'According to Jim,' the Jim Belushi/Courtney Thorne-Smith sitcom. I admit, that isn't too sexy at all. But. It is professional work as a PA, and once I've got that on my resume, I can go badger any other program, show them that I have real experience, and sweet talk my way onto the staff.

It's what I do.

So, cross your fingers and rub your Buddhas for me. I want the ATJ job, because it pays, and a source of income is one of those things I've come to treasure in this life.

So, I've started this new exercise regimen and curtailed some of the stuff I've been eating. Apparently, I didn't realize that when you sit around and stuff your face with Tater Tots for six months, you put on a little weight. Huh.

And don't try to tell me that just because I'm exercising I've "gone Los Angeles" or "sold out." To hear some people talk, you can't have your butler wipe your ass with a golden hankerchief while you close an off the gross deal for four against a million from your Bel Air poolhouse without someone saying "You're so LA."

Bastards.

Oh. Tomorrow, I might write an entry that I will leave up for approximately 24 hours, and then delete. You'll see why.

Last thing: Los Angeles. I wish I were not living in it.

LA and I have this understanding. We're in a mutually beneficial relationship. She has some things I want, and I have some things she wants. She's beautiful and all, with how you can drive through canyons with mountains so close you could slap them, and her sunsets on the ocean, and I like her for that, but man...

The girl just ain't Chicago.