Awesome!

2004. Hard to believe that the year is already more than 1% over.

365 divided by 10 = 36.5 divided by 10 = 3.65.

Sometime Wednesday morning, we�ll only have 98% of the year left.

And that concludes FadeIn�s daily math lesson.

Yeah, so hey. I�m back in Los Angeles. Yes, I had a merry Christmas, a happy new year, a kwaazy Kwanza, and a worldview shattering experience when I was back in Chicago.

I was eager to get back to LA.

I know, I know. Your old pal FadeIn, he of the southern California trashing and fervent Chicago love, was aching to get back to his bed here in Los Angeles before he even left.

I was aware of it, I didn�t get it, and I just filed that feeling away and told myself I�d bury it in good pizza and snowballs.

The first night I was home, when I woke up with a start, saw nothing familiar, and spent a good two seconds wondering where in the hell I was should have been my first clue that something was weird this time.

I think this new feeling has come out of a few different sources, those being:

1: When I went home last year, I spent the majority of the time with Sally.

2: Sally lived in a cool part of town with easy train access to everything. My mom lives way out west in Portage Park, which makes the good part of the city hard to get to without driving or taking the bus.

3: My mom�s new house is super small. It�s her, my two brothers, two large dogs and a cat. There are two bedrooms in this house. My sleeping spot was my old mattress on the floor in my mom�s room.

On which, when I wasn�t there (and once when I was) the dogs fought.

And ate.

Sleeping with dog biscuit crumbs? Not pleasant.

So, all of these factors, taken together, did not for a very relaxing vacation make.

But what was the deal with my being eager to get back before I even left? I think that I knew that traveling would be a hassle, and I just wanted that part of it over. When I did finally get to Chicago, though, things felt somewhat off. Like I wasn�t connected with the city in the same way I used to be.

And, really, I�m not. It had been over a year since I had been home. My usual patterns of life there (being with Sally, having my own space, easy access around town) were different now. I think it made me realize, more than anything else has before now, that my life truly is out here in Los Angeles.

Not that it means I like it anymore than I did before.

I�m not sure if this city grows on you, but it definitely wears you down to the point where you finally say �OK, fine! I live here. I accept your freeways and constant sunshine.�

It�s a good thing to come to a place of acceptance, actually. I have a feeling this is the year.

Some highlights from the vacation home:

My cousin, Dave, and his goddamn near elderly girlfriend Joanne decided not to give my brothers and I Christmas presents this year. I suppose we had it coming. We never gave him anything, as it wasn�t our role. He was significantly older than us, we were �the kids,� and it was always him getting stuff for us, but not the other way around.

Last year, he gave us commemorative 9-11 switchblades.

So, my brother Barry and I were on a spending jag on Christmas Eve, and we decided we�d finally do the right thing and get a gift for Dave. We came to the realization that we did not know our cousin at all, having never seen him outside of a holiday. Over the course of our entire lives, we had never been anywhere with him, done anything with him, or attended any function of his, or vice versa. After ruminating on just how weird this was, we settled on the gift that says �We love you, Cousin Dave�We guess. Whatever.�

Ten dollars worth of McDonald�s gift certificates.

It was either that, or beer.

He mumbled �Oh, thanks,� and then walked out of the room.

I did manage to hang out with Sally a bit. There was no way I was going to go home and not see her. She was feeling weird about everything, with me having a girlfriend and all. It was kind of awkward at first, but we were eventually able to go out to dinner with some mutual friends and I saw her perform at the Chicago IO, which was great.

It was pretty weird between us when I stopped by her place for the first time. We sat on the couch, just talking, and there were a lot of pregnant silences. At one point she asked �What are we going to do now?� In an attempt at levity, I silently pointed to my crotch. She then told me I could expect no blowjobs from her, not even for Christmas.

Robin came into town to visit me a few days later. Her visit included trips to favorite restaurants, Second City, the Improvolympic, some dog-walking, a mom meeting, a hotel room downtown at State and Grand, and we may have made out once or twice.

We flew standby in order to get on the same flight coming back into LA. Because it was standby, our seats weren�t together and she was a few rows behind me, seated next to a couple. I was in an aisle seat, next to a woman with a window seat.

I asked her if she wouldn�t mind moving back next to the couple so that Robin and I could sit together,

�No, I think I�d really prefer to just stay here.�

Robin went back to her assigned seat. I said to the woman �Look, we really want to sit together. I�ll give you ten dollars if you move.�

She wouldn�t budge. �No, I really want to sit here with a window seat. I specifically requested it.�

It was a night flight, and you couldn�t see anything outside anyway. This woman spent the flight reading. She then fell asleep.

Oh, how I hated her.

She was also coughing the entire time, and she may have given me some kind of flu, because I spent the majority of my sleep last night sweating and hallucinating.

I wish I had a good picture of my face right now. My facial hair is in full force. It�s getting kind of unkempt, even, and my workmates have been calling me �Mountain Man� all day.

I�m not going to shave until someone calls me �Beard-o.�

More updates in 2004. My pledge to you.