Argh. Unhappiness! I can't wake up today, and my crazy aunt makes half-caf coffee. That stuff is pure shit! It's like hot, coffee flavored water, and not at all coffee like. Half-caf, people! What's the point? It takes you twice as long to wake up and makes you piss twice as much. And who even knows what that crap is made from? I just looked in the can and swore I saw pencil shavings.

That's my biggest complaint of the day, though, so things are obviously okay in my life. Perspective, perspective.

Yeah, I'm at the rock n' roll high school. You know, I just decided that I'm going to make this my full time job. I mean, I'm here anyway, and what are they going to do? Tell me to stop working? Send me home? Nobody gets kicked out of work! Unless you're just out and out fired, everyone dreams of being told to go home from work.

Well, except for this one guy that I heard about who was on Jeopardy. Seems that he was a contestant who just wanted to hang out and help out after his run on the show. They humored him for about a week or so, until they finally had to say "Um, sir? Please go back to your pre-Jeopardy life. Please?"

That's how it's going to be with me and this high school gig. And why shouldn't I stay? Right now, I'm eating cheese danish, drinking coffee, and pretending to work on a Word document for my supervisor who is gone for the day.

Speaking of high school, I convinced an English teacher to give me this old American literature book. It's really fun to read this text now, as there are lots of good selections. Interestingly, I can tell you that the phrase "Mark Twain fucking rocks," did not enter my mind as a teenager, but it has lately. The next book I want is a French book, so I can finally get around to saying more than 'Ooh la la.'

Ah, and in other news form the Bill Self-Improvement Project: I signed up for that basic vocal class. Yes, I will now find out exactly to what extent I've got singing skizills. I've always wanted to take a basic singing class before, but I've been a bit chicken til now. I think this is because I tend to gravitate toward situations where I think I can be the best, or at least have a reasonable shot of being among the best. In the case of a singing class, I don't think I'll be either. So, it's going to be a challenge, but, if it'll give me the confidence to be up on stage with a guitar singing one of my own songs, I'll struggle through it.

Also, it's the pre-req to Tuvalu throat singing, so, you know, I HAVE to take it.

I also left a message for the instructor of the Smiths/Morrissey class. I want to make sure that there's a similar skill level amongst the students before I plunk down my cash. I don't need to get in there and have Johnny Marr himself sneering at me while I mangle his tunes.

I don't need to take that Smiths class, but you know what would be great about it: Instant pals. Common shared interest, automatically built in. No more "So, uh...do you like The Smiths?" The answer is always yes!

Last thing: Our "good pal" Zero already mentioned the fine sport of GoogleWhacking, a game to which I introduced him, for which he gave me no credit. No doubt you are de-listing him from your faves list in disgust for this slight against me (and Louise with whom he also played), so I'll just go ahead and explain the deal here:

GoogleWhacking is a devestatingly geeky game in which the player enters two different words into Google (no quotes allowed) and attempts to come back with one and only one result. See? I scored the first Whack of the day with "pharmaceutical handjob" (which, for some reason, gives 35 results today) but I believe I was disqualified for use of that dirty, nasty term. I know Louise got at least one, too, and I had another, which I believe involved trilobytes, but I don't really remember it.

After that, I picked Sally up at the airport and went home and watched The Simpsons, which, unfortunately, now feels like a chore more than an enjoyable past time. I sincerely hope that there isn't any truth to the Futurama cancellation rumors, because that show has been soundly whomping the ass of the Simpsons 'round the clock.

Oh, and, as a result of all the whacking we did yesterday, once we noticed that these search terms would make good band names, Zero and I decided to form a band that would make hardcore industrial anti-government children's music, so stay tuned for that.