Yesterday, as I walked through my humble neighborhood, I came across a guy who was out on the curb working on his car. Said guy was extremely fat, looked to be in his early twenties, and was decked out in the resplendent finery only an all-FUBU outfit can provide. Fat FUBU Guy was hard at work under the hood of his car, dripping drops of sweat onto car parts no doubt used to less corrosive liquids.

The fact that he was working on his car and sweating up a storm have nothing to do with anything. I was just setting the scene for your benefit. The point is, if you're a young man of hefty carriage, an all orange-neon FUBU outfit is not the way to go. Unless, of course, the look you're trying to achieve is that of a slightly more fashionable than average prisoner, in which case, this guy nailed it.

So, last night, I'm in a writing mood, so I wander over to MightyBigTV with the intention of picking a new show for which to write an episode. I already have a 'Simpsons' script I'm pretty proud of, but I know that I need to flesh out my portfolio with something live-action (as opposed to animation). I also have a 'Friends' episode that I was happy with when I wrote it, but that was Fall 1999, and the storyline is so moldy that Monica and Chandler aren't even together.

(On a side note, I am far too painfully aware that admitting to watching 'Friends,' much less writing an episode of the show, destroys any notion of myself as a hip guy with street-cred. Luckily, I have not made any effort to portray myself otherwise, and therefore I do not believe anyone's image of me is shattered. Hell, in the past I've mentioned that I once was a chubby little teenager who played D&D and was afraid to talk to girls. How cool can I possibly be now?)

Anyway, before picking a new show, I knew that it was a good idea to read through some episode summaries to a)get an idea of the types of stories that the show usually does, and b) make sure the story ideas that I already have haven't been done before.

My attention span begins to waver, I end up feeling nostalgic, and I go looking at the section devoted to the dearly departed 'Grosse Ponte.' GP was an unfortunately short-lived show on the WB that was a behind-the-scenes parody of shows like '90210.' It was hilarious, critically lauded, and, on the heels of 'Freaks & Geeks,' which had been canned the year before, my brightest new hope for quality television. Unfortunately, the WB network cancelled GP because it couldn't build an audience, even though the research I did showed that it had numbers very close to 'Nikki,' which, unfortunately, wasn't cancelled.

I digress. So, I'm looking through the Grosse Pointe section, and I notice that there's an interview with Robin Schiff (strangely enough, the interview was conducted by this chick who apparently lives two blocks away from me). Schiff was one of GP's writer/producers. She was also the screenwriter/executive producer for a movie that is adored by nearly every female I know, 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion,' a movie which deserves every single ounce of praise it recieves. Here's where I get to feel like a big shot: Robin Schiff once sent me a very nice email thanking me for an essay I posted on the WB's message boards in defense of 'Grosse Pointe.' I'm not going to brush that off casually and pretend to be all cool about it, because I can't. This woman who wrote this incredible movie and who was a writer for this fantastic television show took the time to thank me for coming out to thoughtfully defend it. Yeah, I know I'm bragging and I don't care. It was an honor.

I don't know what's going on at Warner Brothers. They sell 'Buffy' to UPN, cancel 'Grosse Pointe,' and hold on to 'Nikki.' Ugh. That show is everything that I hate about by-the-numbers television. It stars a hot chick dancer with big tits whose husband is a professional wrestler. The only more cynical 'audience grab' is being done over at MTV.

Alright, so. For me it's back to MightyBigTV. I have to find a current show that excites me enough to make me want to write an episode. This is difficult, as I currently hate most television. For some reason, the bigshots only care about scripts for shows that are currently airing. Damn them! All my 'Facts of Life' and 'Eddie's Father' scripts are now useless! And I had a really good idea for an 'ALF' episode, too! I was going to have Willy get mad at Alf, and then there were going to be some hijinks mixed with a bit of hilarity, and then everyone was going to learn a lesson. DAMN!