n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



January 14, 2002 - 10:57 am

I May Be Pregnant

Well, it's before noon and I'm craving a steak, baked potato, and broccoli.

I may be pregnant.

I turned on MSNBC last night, and I saw this graphic at the bottom of the screen:

BREAKING NEWS:

PRESIDENT WATCHING FOOTBALL GAME AT WHITE HOUSE

I nearly fainted at the implications. 'My God,' I thought. 'Can this possibly be true?' Just before I had a chance to say a little prayer and call all my friends, the graphic changed and said that the president had simply passed out while choking on a pretzel.

What is it with the Bush family and food? The first Bush president pukes all over some foreign leaders, and now, this one can't handle a pretzel. In some unfortunate parallel universe, Bush died because of that pretzel, and all of their history books will have a footnote that says 'George W. Bush: Killed by salty snack, 2002.'

I saw Lord of The Rings. It's not fantastic. I'd say it's worth a matinee, a discount show. I didn't know it was three hours long. You know that sense of camraderie and familiarity you get when you spend long enough in one place? I felt like the other audience members had become part of my family. I wonder if they too spent the last hour of the movie thinking 'Please. End. Now.' I think maybe these books don't lend themselves well to screenplays. If that wasn't the problem, then I'm not sure what it was, because a movie like that is right up my alley, usually.

I wasn't even sure if the movie was really about anything. The ability of power to corrupt? Fine, maybe, but it didn't really have anything new to say on that theme. Friendship? Definitely: If your definition of friendship is a whole bunch of guys getting into fights, and then, after the fights, hugging each other because no one died in the fights.

Yeah, so I've seen better movies.

I found this last night, which is interesting. It's a consulting corporation that is hellbent on helping people organize art projects and social protests as a way of embarassing other corporations. One of their projects, for example, is to start a clothing manufacturing company called 'Sweatshop' to draw attention to labor practices. Another one from their 'high risk mutual fund projects' section is to track down Charlton Heston and repeatedly shoot him with a metal covered rubberband gun to show how easy it is to commit handgun murders.

Now that's funny.

Unfortunately, the site had a link to the Chicago 'Department of Land and Space Reclamation,' the silly group that protested the Real World. This is a group that seems to be very concerned that city streets are being used for cars rather than people. In other words, they tackle the important issues.

Private property is theft? Yeah, maybe when I was 15.

I'm glad lefty groups exist. I'm glad that they are allowed to exist. It would be a lot worse for all of us if they couldn't. But a lot of this stuff is just plain ironic.

1: They use the military concieved and developed internet to organize. Perhaps they balance this out by using computers made from hemp.

2: Their goal is to make the working class unhappy by informing them that they need things that the working class didn't realize they needed, thus spurring them to action. Which is basically what corporations do with advertising.

Here's an especially good example of how one plucky soul plans to free us from the corporate shackles:

"B-- R---- will be wheat pasting up posters in the street. The posters contain a photograph of a grouping of Satellite dishes. Red text is printed over the photo that reads "I think I shall never see"

The meaning of course, is obvious. If you didn't get it, here's how the artist explains it:

"The poster refers to how the media has usurped our ability to see our own world."

Ah, yes. Joe Six Pack shall surely take such a clearly explained message to heart. 90% of these stupid projects are preaching to the converted. The one I really, sincerely liked was this one:

"We will cook bacon, eggs, and an assortment of vegetarian-friendly equivalents at a Chicago Park District barbecue stove in beautiful Lincoln Park. All are welcome to eat and we hope to feed: people who live on the sidewalk, joggers, mommies and their babies, insurance agents, priests, people who live in condos, the guys and gals that usually eat at St. Vincent De Paul, but do not eat on Sundays because church is in session, hipsters, fishermen, meter maids and others who are hungry and happen to be in the park. Look for the white guy and half-white gal with aprons that say "BACON" and "EGGS""

Makes a statement about public space, and people get breakfast. Beautiful.

OK, that's enough hipster bashing for today. Guess what: I'm done with school thursday.

(Oh, and there's also a really good parody of The New Yorker right here.)

Last Time On FadeIn - Next Week's Show

i am one bad updater:

enter email to find out when i update. powered by notifylist.com