n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

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December 5, 2001 - 7:20 am

Seven Months To Live

This is my tale of dot-com woe:

About a year and a half ago I was big into the Hollywood Stock Exchange. It's this site that gives you $4 million dollars to play with and invest in different celebrities, musicians, and movies as if they were stocks. I made a fortune by investing my movie money in Heist, Novocaine, and Mission Impossible 3 when they were in pre-production and selling for only a few bucks apiece, and then selling them recently when they were all worth about three times as much. I also made a fortune in music by dumping all of the $2 million you get to buy musicians into an Irish pop group called 'SClub7.' I've never really heard anything about them, before or since, but for some reason, after I bought all of their stock that I could for $7 a share, they went up to $40 a share in about a month.

Then I sold them and lost all my music money by investing in Tom Jones. I don't remember why I invested in him. He was selling cheap, and he just kept getting cheaper.

In more recent news, the temperature is going to be in the upper 60's in Chicago today. Walking up and down Michigan Ave. in a t-shirt is not going to do much for my Christmas spirit. I suppose I'd best get used to it, as at this time next year I'm going to be a permanent resident of Los Angeles.

Did I mention that? I know I mentioned that I'm going out there for the program, but the move is permanent. I'm not going to haul my ass across the country for a five week program in the entertainment capital just to come back to Chicago and then go out again later.

In seven months I'm going to be a goddamned Californian.

I'm going to have to compile a list soon of things I need to do in Chicago before I leave (advice is welcome). My life will be like a spirit-affirming triumph of the human condition. Oprah will recommend it.

I also decided that I'm going to start dating some girl and tell her that I have a terminal illness and only have seven months to live. Imagine how happy she'll be to discover the truth! I'm always thinking of other people.

Alright, I'm off to make the big mistake of attending all of my classes today. Three classes, nine hours, and my least favorite professors, namely: Ms. Weakest Link, Fatty McSleepy(skipped our first class, with the excuse "sorry, I was asleep"), and the 'Trailar' Park Scientist. Beh.

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