Well, I'm happy to report that the garlic smell has been eradicated. At least, I think it's been eradicated. I hope I'm not just used to it and walking around like a big garlicky stinker. In any case, the EPA guys in the helmets and plastic suits promise to leave "as soon as our ride gets here, man."

Whatever. I don't get it either.

Yeah, so all I had to do was leave the windows open overnight. Pretty easy, in this mild November weather. I was about to get into this beautifully moving piece of writing about how great Fall is and all the things that it evokes, but I think I'll save it for later. I swear, it'll be so great, when I get around to it. First you'll cry, then you'll reconcile with some lost family members, and then you will adopt some puppies. It's gonna be that fucking good.

Here's the internal dialogue of the day:

Bill's Mind: Hey, why aren't you writing a screenplay or new TV script?

Bill: I 'unno.

BM: Well, don't you want to, so you can sell them for lots of money?

B: Yeah, I guess.

BM: Then why don't you get to work?

B: Meh.

Yeah. "Meh." What a jerk!

I could have sworn I saw a Chicago diarist on the el the other day. I had only seen her picture once, and I couldn't be sure. We Diarylander's already have everything else; why not a secret hand signal? I demand membership in a clandestine, underground society! Or at least t-shirts.

OK, so, like a good little citizen, I wash my hands after opening my mail. But, in order to wash my hands, I have to turn on the faucet. So, how do I keep my faucet handle from getting all anthraxy?

Answer: Run the water all the time.

Sally's dad is in town to visit. Last night, that meant free sushi. Today, it means that I am sex-less and bored, with one of those conditions far outweighing the other. It's just like when I was 16, only with less comic books strewn about. And, of course, the karmic laws of the universe make it such that whenever she is otherwise occupied, my own friends are nowhere to be found.

OK, people I need to do something. I need a mission. Sitting here chain smoking just isn't challenging enough.