n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



August 29, 2001 - 8:45 pm

Ok, Really, I'm Back

What kind of asshole announces his triumphant return and then goes and sits in the corner and stares out the window for the next five days? As soon as I got the mac back I was afflicted with writer's block so bad that I didn't even want to write. When I tried to talk to fellow screenwriter Jonny boy about this, I could not even come up with a metaphor for the blockage. Luckily, Jon quickly supplied me with something along the lines of 'sausage in my arteries,' so the day was saved and all credit to that wonderful man of men.

This is a short one. But I'm coming back. Right now, I'm on the other side of something. I'm just going to force myself to write through this, because I need to. I have all the things working against me right now that work against a Bill when he tries to write. First, it's night. I only write at night under duress. Second, I'm stuffed full of heart shattering junk food. I hate writing on a full stomach. Third, I don't even fucking feel like it. I figure if I can break through this, I can get things turned around.

My girlfriend really is a genius. Somehow, as we drove along in the car last night, the topic turned to heroin, the drug of kings. I think it was probably because we were listening to the radio show Loveline. Now, mind you, as intelligent people equipped with a good sense of self-awareness, we are more than cognizant of the fact that Loveline is consumer crap a step above Jerry Springer and a few rungs below a public television pledge drive. However, Adam Carolla, as the kids say, "cracks our shit up," so we allow ourselves this indulgence.

Anyway, the heroin. Carolla was going on about pills, so we began to talk about drugs we'd like to try. Apparently, Sally really has a taste for heroin. She informed me, however, that she plans on waiting until she is 80 years old to give it a try.

That's just smart. Why risk your whole life by trying it now when you can just spend your twilight years shooting up your pension, right? I mean, really: What else are you going to do? Spend time with your grandkids? Pshaw. This is a great idea not only in the pragmatic sense, but also becuase the image of an 80 year old Jewish grandmother trying to score, chase the dragon, or, if you prefer, watch the 'Harlem sunset.'

Is it any wonder I'm in love?*

Watch this space for caffeine fueled madness about 12 hours from now.

*One of the sole things Sally has working against her also happened last night. We saw one of those Old Navy commercials with the blond chick. I don't know who she is, but she should be trampled. It got to that part of the commercial (for the low-cut pants) where blond chick says "The only thing lower...is the PRICE!" as she looks into the camera, does something weird with her arms, and then begins to spin around. I stated then that what we just saw is the reason that the woman needs to die. Sally says "I don't know why, but I like her." Sally is not a dumb, ditzy, consumer. She is just sick and needs our help.

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