n o w p l a y i n g - s c r i p t b i n - f a n c l u b - s t u d i o

make love to the camera



Feb 13, 2001 - 7:03 pm

I...Am...Aquaman! (Kind Of)

Being a poor student, I have this thing that I do where I call up Pizza Hut, order a pizza, and then tell them that I have a coupon for a second pizza free. Technically, this is true. However, I've been doing this with the same expired-since-October, uncollected coupon for a few months now. I'm getting really sick of pizza.

It wouldn't be so bad, really, but because I have the table manners of a starved and retarded ox, I manage to eat at least half the pizza in one sitting. I feel that I have to do this, because I don't want to eat week old pizza. The next day, I usually feel as if my stomach is trying to digest a muddy softball. I have decided to end this practice forthwith.

Earlier today, I was walking up Michigan Avenue, right along the lakefront. It was a grey, chilly day, and here I was smack dab in the middle of some random Tuesday in February, 2001, in Chicago, walking from one of my classes to go run an errand. I suddenly realized that I wanted someone to take a picture of me. Not for them, but for myself. I wasn't having a catharsis, I wasn't feeling any grand sense of one-ness and connection with the world, but...I imagined some future book, some document that would one day have that picture in it with the simple caption: 'Bill on Michigan Ave. February 13th, 2001.' I felt like the moment should have been archived for nothing more than it's non spectacular-ness. Does anyone else understand this? I promise not to cry if you don't.

Which got me thinking that it would probably be fun to walk up and down Michigan Ave. on the more touristy days with a polaroid camera and a sign that said 'Polaroids $3.00.' People would stop me and pay me to take pictures because maybe they don't have their cameras on them or becuase maybe they feel like me.

Unfortunately, since I thought of this, it will now become a reality for someone else. This has happened several times before. I once had the great idea that I would become a famous photographer by walking down the street and unexpectedly taking pictures of the unsuspecting. A week later, I saw just such a photographer profiled on an arts show. This has also happened to me with two different television show ideas and with one screenplay idea. It doesn't happen because I'm lazy and I wait months and months and months and then I bitch because someone else does it. It happens the very next week. It's like I made a deal with the devil for the lamest super-powers ever. I am the Aquaman of psychics.

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